01 May Listening with Empathy: A Key to Strong Relationships

A research company achieved a 94% accuracy rate in predicting whether a couple would maintain their marriage after studying 40,000 couples. The primary factor indicating marital longevity was the couple’s ability to “turn towards” each other. Let me explain.

When one spouse expresses exhaustion, such as “I’m so tired,” a response like “You think you’re tired, I’ve been exhausted with the kids all day,” does not foster closeness or support. A more effective approach involves understanding the tone and intention, showing empathy, and then sharing your own experiences. This creates a loving environment where both partners feel valued.

I would imagine this would also apply to parenting children; taking the time to make eye contact and respond to their need or listen to their story, would go along way to making them feel valuable and secure.

However, as a mother of 4 children myself, I know that children can be tiring. Setting age-appropriate boundaries is crucial in managing children’s demands. To prevent constant interruptions during conversations, gently hold their hand, make eye contact, and ask them to wait patiently until you finish your discussion.

When our children were little, we had a rule that they couldn’t interrupt when we (the parents) were debriefing our day with each other in the evening. We would say, “This is mummy and daddy time,” and the children adjusted well to this. I’m not saying we nailed this all the time, but we did try to prioritize our relationship so that we could be united for our children.

May God Bless you, Vetti x