Sometimes individuals engage in actions that elicit negative reactions from others, yet they often only recall the response rather than acknowledging their role in triggering the situation. This perspective lacks grounding in reality and is unlikely to foster change.

When our children were younger, they’d come home from school telling how their friends did mean things to them. My first question was always, “What did you do to them?” I wanted an understanding of the full scenario and not enable poor behaviour.

This is such a human trait, to shift blame and make ourselves look good. Adam did this in the Garden of Eden story. When God asked him whether he’d eaten the forbidden fruit, Adam’s reply was, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

Adam tried to blame God and avoid taking responsibility.

But the thing is, this capacity exists in all of us. However, being aware of this tendency is the first step towards making a change. The second step is owning our behaviour. The good thing is that when we do, when we seek after the truth first, then we are less likely to do the poor behaviour again.

Taking ownership of our poor behaviour brings awareness of how much it hurts us and others, then we are less likely to repeat the offense. If we minimise our faults we feel like we’ve escaped accountability. We are then more prone to repeating the same poor behaviour.

So next time we find ourselves in a negative event, remember to ask ourselves, “What started that? Was there something that I could have done better?”

Vetti x