22 Mar Anger. What is it and what can I do about it?

Anger is an emotion that is associated with a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

Anger is not necessarily wrong, it’s just an emotion that lets us know something isn’t right and can motivate us to make a positive change. Take the example of Englishman, William Wilberforce. William was horrified at the treatment of his fellow humans shackled in chains, and used his position as Member of Parliament to bring forward a Bill that would abolish slavery. With the urging of friends and fellow abolitionists this was accomplished this on 1 May 1807. William used his anger as a positive driving force against injustice to make a change.

But for all the good things that anger can motivate us for, there will be many examples of negative impacts of anger. You won’t have to look far for this. When our children were little the breakfast routine would have provided ample examples of my anger that was wrong.

Gary Chapman in his book, “Anger” calls these 2 types of anger.

-Definitive

-Distorted

Definitive anger is when yours or someone else’s legitimate right has been transgressed- like the example above where a person’s freedom was restricted by slavery.

Distorted anger is when no actual wrong has been done, but a person perceives that personal expectations have not been met.

When we find ourselves angry there’s a few things we can do.

-Admit that we are angry.

-Ask ourselves is this Definitive or Distorted anger?

-Give yourself some time before acting and doing something that you’ll later regret. (It’s easier to restrain yourself than having to apologise for rash actions or words.)

-Be aware if you are tired, stressed, or hungry.

-Make sure you have all the facts, so ask clarifying questions before making assumptions.

-Communicate your hurt without judgmental comments: Saying “I feel upset when you did this…” gives an opportunity for the other person to see how they hurt you. Rather than; “You always do … because you are selfish.” Which labels a person’s whole character as bad and gives them no chance to change.

Question: Have you ever been angry? What did you do?

Be Blessed, Yvette Wynne x